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  • Writer's pictureArielle & Ashley

5 Weird Things New Parents Do

If you don’t have friends who have had babies, I’m about to bless you with some insider facts. Parenthood will inevitably change you, which can be kind of scary. My good news is I like to think I’m so much less of a jerk, now. I knew everything before I had my son. I’ve also picked up some strange habits since his grand entrance. As I met other parents, and as I’ve worked with more and more families as their postpartum doula, I’ve been comforted to know that I am not the only one who has done these things.

Ready? Here are five of your likely future routines.

  1. New parents check a million times a day to see if their baby is breathing. I still do this sometimes, and my baby is four years old. You will be mid conversation in the living room as your little one is sleeping safely in the nursery and say “Hold on, let me just go peek in and make sure he’s breathing.”

  2. Their conversations with their spouses are suddenly mostly about poop. Did she poop today? How many times? What color was it? Oh no, is that bad? That face she makes before she poops is so funny. She had the worst blow out today right as I was trying to walk out the door! Oh, I learned a new way to change after a blow out!

  3. Speaking of poop, bathroom trips are coveted “me time.” Your definition of self care is defined as just a moment by yourself. You’ve never loved your bathroom so much.

  4. Bouncy Dance. A lot of babies have this thing called the “witching hour.” It’s later in the day, right before dinner. During times like these, and other fussy moments, you will very likely have to stand upright, pace, and softly bounce up and down to soothe them. Where it gets weird is when you are out in public without your baby and you are experiencing stress or hear another baby cry, and you realize you are doing the bouncy dance. You hope no one thinks you are crazy.

  5. Netflix and Chill. Your typical date with your partner is finally being able to watch that show and eat all the snacks at the end of the day. The moment after you’ve put the baby down is glorious. After, you victoriously netflix and actually chill. No euphemisms here. You’re exhausted.

There you have it. Parents, what would you like to add to this list? What do you wish you had known? Let us know in the comments!

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